I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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