I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize