those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want to be your penis for a week.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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