i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize