some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
FUCK WHALES
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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