The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
