dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
