GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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