the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
