i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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