We're facebook friends in real life
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
