she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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