Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
