I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think your dad took our porno
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
FUCK WHALES
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