peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
