Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
