I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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