I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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