I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
