whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
