3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize