I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
