i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
