Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
