Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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