i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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