Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
