i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
