Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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