24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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