How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
