I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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