My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
