I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
