Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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