i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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