The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she pinky promised me she was 18
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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