So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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