So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
