i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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