Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
