I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
