If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
