If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
