she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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