i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No subtext here. People are naked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
