At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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