what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will be naked everywhere
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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