Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
