i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
