Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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