maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
