Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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