She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
