I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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