just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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