so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
