I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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