Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fill condoms, not promises.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize