I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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