woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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