I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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