Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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