You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
