i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
