Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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