Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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