i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
