I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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