How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
