so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
