i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
