Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
