I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
