So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
