He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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