I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize