I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
