if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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