Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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