On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
