a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
