Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
