well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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