chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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