Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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