The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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