Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sober January is a disaster.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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