Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize