just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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