I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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