i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
