i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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