A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
