She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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