piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
